I Once Could See But Now At Last I'm Blind


Alice suggested I try organizing my thoughts on paper.

I don't even know where to start. I think... maybe there's something wrong with me. I haven't even been here a whole month and it already feels normal. This kind of thing... it should never feel normal. I'm here because apparently God or his angels or whatever thinks I have a shot at saving the world and winning some Biblical war for them. I guess it's not that much weirder than being trapped in my apartment to be the final sacrifice for a spectral serial killer, and jumping through holes between nightmares and non-reality trying to stop him.

I still don't know why I'm here. I haven't done anything but...try to get people organized and...yell at people. I think Alessa was right, about some people not taking this seriously. But I don't know what to do. I feel like we could be doing things better, we could be preparing, we could be... I don't know. I'm not... I'm not a leader or anything like that. I'm just a photographer.

But... that's not really true. And I think everybody knows that. They just don't ask, because they know I won't talk about it. I don't know how to talk about it. The things I saw, the things I did... I don't think anyone could even understand. The only people who could....

Maybe Mr. Sunderland could. And maybe I owe it to him to tell him what really happened. I don't know. Would he really want to know that? Or would it be better off that he never does.... He's been through so much already. He doesn't need to know that some... occult obsessed serial killer was walled up in his building after performing some kind of unholy ceremony. And everything else....

He knows something real bad happened, and maybe it's better that's all he ever knows. Walter's gone now, and he can't hurt anyone ever again. At least...not anyone back home.

It's stupid. I... I kind of wish I could see Eileen. I feel like maybe she could understand everything that's going on in my head. I don't even know why. Because we went through hell together? We hardly even knew each other before. And I... I couldn't stop him before he hurt her. I almost couldn't stop him before....

I guess I'm not really organizing this very well, am I? I haven't kept a journal since college.

I guess I should focus on the fact that things aren't bad here. I mean, if I try and forget that the fate of the entire universe is in our hands. I have people here I can call friends, I think. Will and Alessa, definitely. I... worry about Alessa, a little. I think she's been through some bad stuff too. I don't want her to go through any more. I'm probably being stupid. And Alice and Mitch and Blythe and...well, I like them. They're good people. Almost everybody here is just a good person....

But I wish I was sure everybody was. Maybe I'm being paranoid. I just...

I think I'm going to have some of that rum Will brought over. I... I don't need anything with. I'll just have a shot or two and try and sleep. And who knows, maybe all this did help.

I'll have to thank Alice tomorrow.